forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
This girl is more easily done than said...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
