I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
