don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
