I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
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The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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