So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
