Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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