I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
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its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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