9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
