I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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