Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
