I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
