oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
