Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
