i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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