sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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