Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
