1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
