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We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
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