I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
