I molested 6 butterflies tonight
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
