we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
