Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
