Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
