youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
