ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
