these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
