im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
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