You really coming over, don't trick.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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