for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
