y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize