Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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