he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
