Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
