I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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