remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
