Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
