My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
My ATM looks so different sober.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
