The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
