The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
someone owes me an orgasm
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
