I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
