Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
