Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
