I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
