I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i came on her dog
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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