I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
