I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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