Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dicks are not precious.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
