Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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