So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
