..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
