He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
