no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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