She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
