lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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