So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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