Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
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I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
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I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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