idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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