Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
