My cat gives me a boner
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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