My nipple is on Facebook.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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