my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
