Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
