her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
