Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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