Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
