my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
