I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
