just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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