were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
