You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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