she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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