It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize