told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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