I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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