Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
