Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
