i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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