Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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