Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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